Forgive me if some of this is political, but it’s the All-Star Break and I have to rant…
All Star Braves: Brian McCann, Tim Hudson, Jason Heyward, Martin Prado, and…. What? Omar Infante? I just typed that first line and then sat here for five minutes, looking around for something that made sense. Omar Infante? I know I was out of town for over a month, but I remained on Earth… Omar Infante? You mean the guy who plays when Chipper or another infielder needs a day off? This is like sending Billy Volek to the Pro Bowl. No Matt Kemp, no Carlos Gonzalez, almost no Votto… But Omar Infante made it. Really?
It’s hot in Georgia; 101 degrees here the other day. My time in the military included two tours in Iraq, but I still can’t stand the heat. Al Gore says it’s because of carbon emissions… But then again, he has a lot of money invested in “green” energy… While he flies all over the world in his jet.
I’m not an NBA guy, but I still love what the Miami Heat are doing. Furthermore, I think it’s great that so many people are mad about it. Bosh, Wade, and James are making a very smart move. I hope it works out for them. What about the Cavs owner and that childish letter to the fans? What…. The…. Eph….
Denial is a river in Egypt. I bet that bitch is fulla snakes.
If Janet Napolitano was the Loss-Prevention Manager at a Target retail store, she would’ve been fired a month ago. Why does she still have a job? It’s kind of a big deal that the Gulf is full of oil. I guess she’s too busy making lists of Iraq war vets that are suddenly potential domestic terrorists. What a joke.
I’m very proud of myself for drafting Carlos Gonzalez. Unfortunately, I also drafted Chad Qualls and Rick Porcello. I guess it all equals out in the end… My team fucking sucks.
Congress took an eleven day recess over the July 4th holiday. Why????? Career politicians in Washington live in fantasy land already – what the Hell do they need a two week vacation for?
Senator A: “whew, what a hard day of talking we had. I sure could use a break.”
Senator B: “Me too. I’m old as Hell.”
Senator A: “Let’s take the next two weeks off.”
Senator B: “oh no, that’s too long. This country and its people deserve better from us.”
Senator A: “you’re right… Eleven days then.” They laugh and exit stage right.
I traded James Loney away for Pablo Sandoval about a week ago. I thought it was a really good idea at the time. Now I think I do some dumb ass shit sometimes. Has anybody seen Sandoval lately? Geee-zuussss. He just looks unhealthy. Just… Just bad. During the games most guys put some seeds in their mouths and spit the shells out. He puts a whole chicken in his mouth and spits out the feathers. That’s right: he eats dem bones. I know he can afford P90X…
Why did the media spend a week celebrating the life of Robert Byrd? The guy was in the Ku-Klux-Klan!!! WTF!!!! And we’re supposed to respect the fact that he was a senator for 50 years? Why????? We need term limits for these freeloaders. There is no way in Hell that I would let some 92-year-old “Klan” member tell me what I’m supposed to do with my life. It boggles my mind that all these people came out to make public statements about how great Robert Byrd was. There really must be a shortage of great men these days. Pathetic.
Fantasy Football looms on the horizon. Chris Johnson will go #1 in 99% of drafts. There’s always at least one percent of retards out there who will take a QB #1. At least one ass clown somewhere out there is going to draft LaDanian Tomlinson first. I would rather have Ray Rice or MJD over Chris Johnson, but that’s just me. I don’t see Johnson going over 2,500 total yds this year. I’d still pick him if I had the first pick though. Wouldn’t you? Did I just draw a circle with words without even making a point?
I smoke, I have tattoos, and I cuss a lot. Growing up I always heard that these were indicative of an ignorant mind. Consider me blissful.
I wrote a yo momma joke:
Yo momma so fat… When she takes a shit, the FAA always shows up, lookin’ for the “black boxes.”
Think fast – who will have a better year? DeMaryius Thomas or Dez Bryant? Thomas. There, I said it. Note how I didn’t specify anything like “most yards” or “most TDs”, etc… I mean total body of work from game one through game 16… Who has the better year? I think Thomas will.
It costs more than one cent to make a penny… Shit like this makes me smoke.
Do you sing along with your radio when you drive? Stop that shit, you look stupid.
If you have to send someone more than 10 text messages a day, then you need to just call the motherfucker and tell ‘em. Remember how 12 years ago we just drove around out there in the world without cell phones. How did we ever survive? I get scared just thinking about it. Where’s my phone?