So I’m out of town for the month of May for training, stuck in a hotel in a desolate Georgia wasteland. It smells of paper mills and sulfur. Everyone drives 10 miles below the speed limit. There are more waffle houses than there are channels on the hotel television. There is no wireless internet in the hotel – well, no internet at all. At least I can get on a work computer after hours and e-mail this garbage I typed up when I was bored.
Why does everyone here have neck tattoos of people’s names in cursive?
Anyway, I had intended on writing about players I thought would breakout of their early season slumps, as well as those who would not. I mentioned Grady Sizemore. I saw on the ESPN ticker the other night that he is on the DL. I’m no longer inspired to talk about Sizemore because I was going to suggest that he was trying to play through an injury. I have no idea what his situation is other than the little “Indians place Sizemore on DL” blurb I caught while watching the Rays beat the Yankees down the other night.
I’d rather throw a couple of names out there that might be on the waiver wire for those in dire need to target. I’ve got some relatively worthless players in mind who might pick it up as the season moves along:
JHONNY PERALTA – not that I think very highly of him, but because I think he will finish the season better than he started it. Peralta has always been a streaky hitter, so don’t expect him to raise his average above .270. I do think he will finish around .260 or .270 at year’s end, so he will have to bat at least .280 from here on to do that. If you look at Peralta’s career averages you’ll see that he is right in line with tradition aside from an increased walk rate. Another plus is that he is eligible at 3B and SS, and we know how weak those two positions are this year.
The cons with Peralta – he wasn’t worth drafting, and he’s not worth owning. I’d say keep an eye on him and add him if you get in a bind for whatever reason. He just might get you .280 with 15 homers from here on out.
MIKE NAPOLI – As I’m typing I see that Napoli homered again. Look, the guy either hits the ball really far or he just swings the bat really hard and then puts the pads back on. He might hit .250 at best, but there are at least 20 more homers on the way. With Mathis out of the picture, the Angels are forced to plug Napoli into the lineup and let him swing and swing and swing. Don’t let the 40% K rate dissuade you. Instead, look at his line drive rate and understand that he is going to mash the ball when he does hit it.
The cons with Napoli – He strikes out way too much. If you need power and a catcher badly, then I’d say pick him up… Unless you want Barajas. They’re about the same as far as I’m concerned, but Barajas has already hit 10 this year, and I don’t see 20 more coming. I do see Napoli hitting 20 more, but what do I know – I hate catchers. If I had my way there wouldn’t be C spots in fantasy baseball and there wouldn’t be TE spots in fantasy football.
They’re like neck tattoos: super cool when you buy ‘em, but damn if you don’t regret that shit later.
RYAN SWEENEY – Or not. Probably won’t matter either way. 90% contact rate is nice, though.
KRIS MEDLEN – add this baby-faced bastard and enjoy. I’m tired of typing.
I wonder whatever happened to John Rocker. Would he like it here? Sweet tea, BBQ, skinny blondes who smoke and have lip rings and say “dude”. Neck tats… He would like it here. Not in this hotel though – this place is packed with busloads of retirees who stand around and bitch about the number of towels in their rooms. I swear, every morning they change their wake up time and beat me to the “continental breakfast.” And then they stand there and talk.
“wow, this is great coffee… Great coffee.”
“no, it’s too dark.”
“well, I like it better than the hotel coffee in Savannah.”
“They had enough towels there.”
“Yep. Lot of towels… Great coffee.”
Damn! Move the fuck outta the way and lemme get a damn bagel!