Making “Hey” on Opening Day

Opening Day 2010 was so good that I just had to write about it. There were some spectacular plays, dominant performances, and feats of strength that will make this Opening Day one of the greatest in my memory. I want to share some of my highs and lows from today.


First things first: the Braves hammered the Cubs 16 – 5 as they started the final chapter of Bobby Cox’s career on a high note. Derek Lowe had a rough start, giving up three runs in a hurry, but the Braves soon tied the game at three… Just in time for Jason Heyward’s first Major League at bat. With two men on and one out in the bottom of the first, Heyward slammed a 2-0 fastball into the back of the bullpen in Right Center. That thing had to go 430+ feet. He’s only 20, remember? Now the world knows his name. That was merely the first swing of a hall of fame career.

I want to give credit where credit’s due: Nate McLouth had a great game. I’ve been pretty hard on him on here. He got on base three times, and completely locked down that outfield by putting on a fielding clinic. Good Grief! That guy can make some plays out there. He’s tons of fun to watch, but make no mistake – I still don’t want him on my fantasy team.

Speaking of defense, how about the Mark Buehrle scoop and flick between the legs thing? I saw that highlight and said, “what the eph as in foxtrot?” It looked like one of those moves that those ultimate Frisbee kids do. Between the legs, Ppffffftt. You’ve gotta be kiddin’ me.

Albert Pujols, Roy Halladay, and Tim Lincecum all dominated their respective games. None of us are surprised, though. How many of you guys who play baseball video games stacked a team with the three of them on it? Or maybe you’re that guy who always creates himself and puts all the ratings at 99. You cheater.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to introduce the new, the improved, Carlos Gomez! I am patting myself on the back right now. I had been looking at his name on the FA list ever since my draft, but I just couldn’t pull the trigger until early this morning. I am very happy that I did. Gomez started his career as a Brewer with a homer, double, two runs scored and a stolen base on 4-of-5 hitting. I know, I know – it was only ONE GAME. But sometimes you have to stop crunching numbers and listening to talking heads and just go with your gut. Now that I got that one right, I will probably finish last in my league.


Seattle and Oakland will push Kansas City and Cleveland for the worst teams in the AL this year. YUCK! A positive note for Seattle is that Felix Hernandez had 16 ground outs to ZERO fly outs. I know that he’s really good, but I think that ratio is bolstered by the fact that Oakland is really bad. Let’s face it – they’re awful.

The Reds, Nats, Padres, and Astros might as well just play against each other for the rest of the season. The loser plays the worst AL team out of the four previously mentioned for the crown of “2010 bottom feeder.”

I tried to watch some of the Angels – Twins game. I decided to go play checkers instead… By myself. Both teams have plenty of talent, but they just weren’t doing it for me tonight. Then I kicked myself in the head again for drafting Mike Napoli, the catcher who plays half a season.

That Lady Gaga – Beyonce “Telephone” video SUCKS! It’s visual vomit mixed with schizophrenic sadomasochism.

Cigarettes – they suck at keeping secrets.


One Response to Making “Hey” on Opening Day

  1. EF says:

    I want to caveat on my own ramblings: I dropped Carlos Gomez three days after his hot start. I got really excited over nothing… Again.

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